God Didn't Choose My Spouse. I Did.

I know lots of people think it’s romantic—-and correct—-to believe in destiny, or “The One”, or that God will lead you to marry one specific person.

I don’t believe that.

I believe there are 7.125 billion people out there for you. It’s who you meet, and of those people, which ones are interested in you, and of THOSE people, which one you decide to make it work with. Some people will make you happy and make you grow in a good way. Some people won’t. But you are ultimately responsible for your decision. It was not written in the stars. It was not divinely chosen.

That doesn’t sound quite as romantic, does it?

Well, I think it’s even more romantic.

I did not marry David because he was chosen for me. I married him because I wanted to.

The Holy Spirit provided me with the wisdom (through wise counsel, observation, self-awareness, intuition, and education about the character of Jesus) to choose the kind of person that I would be happy with.

Maybe God even had a hand in orchestrating our meeting because He thought that we could be happy together and learn from each other, and He wants us to be happy and grow. He delights in our delight and maybe He thought that David and I would delight each other. Who knows, maybe that happened. I’m not going to put God into my little mind-box and tell you exactly what He did and didn’t influence.

But I know that He did not tell me to marry David specifically. There was no big sign, no undeniable confirmation that this was “God’s Will”, no Bible verses I could point to and say “this means I should marry David”.

I married David because I wanted to.

I married David because he is brilliant. I believe God wants me to learn.

I married David because he makes me laugh. I believe God wants me to laugh.

I married David because he enjoys many of the things that I enjoy, and appreciates my interests. I believe God wants me to be able to share the things I love with others.

I married David because he introduces me to new things. I believe God wants me to be continually discovering His blessings and wonders and seeing joy through other people’s eyes.

I married David because we have stimulating discussions and debates. I believe God wants me to think and wonder and explore; to argue and even to be proven wrong sometimes, in the interest of growth and learning.

I married David because he sees (and tells me about) all kinds of beauty in me (even/especially when I don’t see it). I believe God wants me to know how beautiful I am.

I married David because he loves me. I believe God wants me to experience His love through other people, including that special, intimate, romantic kind of love.

I married David because I love him. I believe God wants me to practice His love on others, including that special, intimate, romantic kind of love.

I married David because he seeks God. I believe God wants me to be with someone I can seek Him with.

I married David because we have fun together. I believe that God wants me to live a life peppered with fun and joy.

I married David because we don’t agree on every little thing. I believe that God wants me to learn from different viewpoints.

I married David because we agree on the things that really matter. I believe God wants me to have unity with my spouse.

I married David because we are both broken, imperfect human beings. I believe God wants me to experience the beauty of forgiving, and being forgiven.

So I guess you could say that it was God’s will that I marry David. Not because God commanded me to, but because God wants all of these wonderful things for me in a marriage, and David is a person who happens to provide them.

Ultimately the only things I think that God really wills for us in marriage is 1. that we both want to seek Him (i.e. are "equally yoked"), 2. that the other person brings us joy (because, ideally, marriage is an earthly reflection of the love that the Trinity has for each other/amongst itself: preferring one another, and rejoicing in one another), and 3. that we learn to love one another like Christ loves us, and marriage is an amazing lesson in how to love.

And, how to be loved.

"It wasn't written in the stars," my husband said. "We wrote it there ourselves."

Maybe God wants different things for different people; for different marriages. Like I said, I'm not going to constrain God to my little mind-box. But we have a choice. I chose. And I love my choice.